Eldritch: Lecter's Rising
by Lecter R. Purgatory
Summary: Z.E.M Three earth born guys inexplicably find themselves transported to the Mass Effect universe to live out new lives, what are they to do? This is the story of Lecter and his bizarre adventures through the Milky Way... A collaborated Self Insert with Eden Rios and Munchinmonster.


**Episode One - **_**Introducing the Damsel; for there must always be a girl involved...**_

_Lecter's POV:  
><em>_  
>Location: Normandy, Omega Nebula, Amada System.<br>Time: 3:46PM (Earth Time)  
>Status: Gorgeous.<em>

.Damnit!

I realise that we are in the damn future right now and that we have access to technology that would make Microsoft piss itself but there are some things that should not fucking exist in this era. Things that are so damn primative and frustrating

Namely this, the dreaded elevator of slowness.

Seriously, you'd think that in year 2183 there would at least be faster elevators. Hell, they seem SLOWER than the ones I remember back home. But the annoying elevator music is still the same, except here its got some Turian rock band playing some music that I can vaugely understand. I'll be honest, he sounds a little like Gackt.

But anyway, that's enough of my ranting, back to the task at hand...

Me and my fellow consperitors had been hiding in the Captains quarters for a good few hours until after we felt the tell-tale turbulence that is commonly felt from going through a Mass Relay. We took that as our cue to split up throughout the Normandy in order to obtain a tactical advantage.

Our overall goal is to take the Normandy for ourselves and kill anyone who got in our way. Munchin and Ed disembarked on two different levels and lay low until my signal to proceed with their ends of the plan.

However, If I am going to do this, I refuse to be wearing this unflattering Alligence uniform, or should I say jumpsuit. To quote a friend of mine: "Go big or go home" I shall apply that concept to my doing shit with style plan.

I shed the quite revolting uniform from those guards I killed and happily dressed myself in a beautifully tailored black three-piece suit with a burgandy dress shirt and black waistcoat with black pants and black wingtip shoes. Yes, I feel like the old me again...Dressed to kill!

The elevator came to a stop, indicating that I had made it to the engineering and storage area of the ship. I climb out and survey my surroundings, no one around so far. Which should make my job easier.

I pulled out my twin AMT Harballer 45 pistols with extended barrels from the holsters on my belt and marveled at them for a breif moment. Taking time in admiring the style of the barrel before making sure to check my ammo reserves, wouldn't want to run out of ammo in a firefight. That is the worst thing that can happen, especially in this era where guns have far greater ammo capacity...

While these particular guns may be concidered 'backwards tech' or even 'outdated' I can't help but love the simplistic design and beauty of these guns. The pistols used these days by everyone, with their thermal clips and ugly design look appauling. It's near impossible to look good holding one of those things.

Besides, this is the kind of thing that never goes out of style. Like three piece suits, top hats and the _Rolling Stones_. They will always be cool and stylish no matter what time period or planet you are on!

But, I digress...

Keeping both guns steady I stalked down the hallways around a few corners until I reached the drive core. The first step of the plan was to cut off all of the Normandy's communications in order to prevent them calling for help from any nearby alligence ships in the area and then seal off the floor that each of us are on by hacking the drive core. Which is where I came in.

I will cut off all power to the elevators and doorways leading to the stairs, thus removing any threat of reinforcements until they manage to get the emergency power supply routed to the doors. But by then, everyone, save for those in the CIC tower will be dead. Afterward, the three of us would meet up at the CIC and proceed to capture the main hub of the ship.

Suffice to say we are very confident in our abilities.

Finding that the drive core was completely unguarded, I placed my pistols next to the console, pulled out my omni tool and proceeded to hack into the Drive Core's computer hardware.

_CAHINK!_

I spin around quickly to find two N7 soldiers pointing guns at me. They apparently realised I am not a member of the ship from how I was dressed. Of course they would notice a guy wearing a snazzy suit messing around with their drive core, perhaps I changed out of costume too quickly?

"State your name, rank and intention!" The first officer, apparently the higher ranking one, demanded. Keeping his pistol trained on me.

I turned look back at the drive core, I had only just finished breaking the firewalls surrounding the system, but I still have time to deal with these morons. I turned back to face them and my body began to glow with a blood red biotic energy. Something these people have never seen before.

I grinned as the red energy began to radiate off my body and collect in my hands, it was an invigorating experience, being able to bring mass effect rays into existance with only my mind, it felt like being god.

They backed away slowly, aware that I was no ordanairy human. Or even an ordanairy biotic, the fact that the glow of the M.E feilds I was generating were red instead of normal blue should have tipped them off.

"My name is Lecter, my rank is 'God' and my intention is 'fun'" I answered, mockingly, and then proceeded to use my biotic powers to lift both of them in the air and violently rip them in half. The corridor was engulfed in their screams and the walls drenched in their blood.

I smiled to myself as their screams died down. That's the beauty of using biotics, its powerful, seductive, and all too breif... Always leaves you unsatisfied and longing for more. These two worthless grunts were barely worth the effort of using my biotics, now the Asari justicar, there are some biotics who know how to give me a proper challenge!

As I stand there in front of the two bloody corpses, my good mood is spoiled by the sound of alarms and the red blinking lights

I blinked. Oh, damn. Was that me? I looked up and noticed there was a security camera glaring down at me from the ceiling. I slapped myself on the forehead, of course! This is the goddamned future, how could they NOT have security cameras!

Not wasting any more time, I leapt back to the drive core, focused on fulfilling my end of the plan, like hell was it going to fail because of my blunder! But every key I pressed did nothing, the system had locked me out.

"Shit!" I cursed. "They caught on!" Security must have seen me messing with the core and put the system on lockdown. My hacking skills are mediocre at least, I wouldnt have a chance against hacking a system that was guarded this heavilly!

And to top it all off, a new squad of security would be on it's way down here to tear me a new one for what I did to these two clowns.

Having chosen between a losing battle and warning my comerades, I collected my handguns and began sprinting through the various hallways of the Normanday, strangely I encountered no security. No soldiers or even drones to challenge me, I haven't even passed an engineer yet.

BOOOOOOOOM!

I was thrown off my feet and collided headfirst with the wall, much to my pain and frustration. What the hell was going on! We were going to capture the Normandy, not blow it up! I had only managed to cut cut off the power to the elevators before I was caught, but that wasn't more than a few minutes ago, Jamie should be taking out their comunications by now. But Ed wasn't supposed to engage combat until Jamie's signal.

They wouldn't set off an emergancy alarm just to warn everyone about me, so it had to be something bigger...But at this point in time, that could only be...

" The Collectors!" I moaned, pissed off at our rotten luck and even worse timing. "They have the worst timing! The ship would have been ours for sure!"

While you may have notcied that I have a certain passion for war and bloodshed that would would rival a krogan, I am not suicidal. I highly doubt I could fight them when they have nigh infinite reinforcements on that ship...Not to mention that I totally lack the means to even GET to the ship in the first place.

I ran down the corriddors of the engineering floor, meeting several N7 soldiers along the way but managing to kill each one in the confusion until I found myself in a large room with dozens of shuttles attatched to the far wall, they looked like minature spacecrafts.

There were 28 escape shuttles total on the Engineering floor. Each one had enough seats to accomidate 4-5 people, it would be safe to assume that they wouldn't allow a stowaway, let alone someone like my dear self, accompany them.

I grinned. Which means 4-5 brave crewmen shall generously 'donate' one of these shuttles in order for me to make my grand escape from the Normandy. How nice!

The door shut firmly behind me and I walked over to the cockpit of the escape shuttle when I heard a loud banging on the door that just shut. I glanced back to see a man knocking against the glass of the small window of the door.

"Let me in! The Normandy is lost-" He shouted, clearly seeing that there was only one person occupying the valuable escape shuttle.

I walked over to the glass and peered out at him, having seen my face he seemed to recognise that I was not apart of his crew, he must also have seen me kill those guards on the security system. I can't say I'm surprised, this is the year 2183, it's not unbelievable to assume that all crew members would have limited access to the security footage from their workstations or even their omni-tools.

"You bastard! Get out of there!" He shouted.

I smirked at him from the other side of the bulletproof glass. "I'm quite comfortable where I am right now, thank you...Although, your situation seems to look rather bleak from where I am standing"

He reguarded me with a desperate expression, fully aware that the ship was going down. "For the love of god, man, there are 3 more seats!" He begged.

I paused for a moment and shrugged. "I like to put my feet up." I told him, simply, and pressed a button on the panel beside the door that closed the steel shutters on the window and proceeded to the cockpit and switched on the main computer terminal to enter in the co-ordiates to get me to the closest planet I could board a ship to Omega.

I stopped for a bit, wondering if I should wait on my two companions to show up, but dismissed this idea. I may not have been able to shut down the engines, but I had managed to disable the elevators and locked the doors leading to the stairs, so I would have to hope that they managed to get into the emergency evacuation shuttles on the other floors.

If they were unable to secure their own escape, they weren't worth the trouble to begin with.

Now all that was left to do was to hit the launch button on the panel and enter the co-ordanites to Omega and I'd be-

_LOCKDOWN PROCEDURES ACTIVATED._

PLEASE ENTER 6 DIGIT OVERRIDE CODE.

...

...

...

"SHIIIIIT!" I cursed, loudly. Why am I not suprised that an Allience ship makes every possible effort to delay the crew (or in my case, theif) from escaping a life threatening situation!

I pulled out my Omni tool and attempted to hack the server, but failed to do so. Managing only to freeze the entire system. Meaning my only options are either to bring the moron outside on board with me to input the code, or find another shuttle to hack.

I sighed. This means I'll have to put up with him on the trip, he is obviously a whiner. I could kill him after he serves his purpose, but if he's smart he'll sabotage the system so I can't get out or use the suttles autopilot or something.

What a bore.

I opened the door, expecting to find said moron still there, but seemed to have either left to die someplace else or bought passage on another shuttle. Much to my dismay. "Talk about rude!" I frowned. "How dare he leave after I find a use for his worthless hide!"

I feel like shooting something. But theres no one around, so I bang my head against the frame of the shuttle, angry and frustrated. I have less than a few minutes to get out of here and I can't even unlock the damn system!

That was when I noticed her.

A young quarian, female, from the looks of herm was running down the length of the room, seeing if any of the shuttles were still around or even salvageable enough to escape on. But from the looks of it, all other shuttles have departed or have been rendered unusable, how unfortunate.

Ahhh, yes, I remember her now, from the dossier'. The quarian is Tai'Zorah, an an engineer on the Normandy and a trusted member of Shepards crew, if I recall she assisted in the downfall of Saren and the Reaper, Sovreign. I may have found the key to my salvation.

This had to be my chance. The quarians were famous for their skill with technology, I opened the door to the shuttle and stepped out to face her. "Care for a lift?" I ask with a lopsided grin.

She turned and beamed at me from under that helmet and moved a few steps forwards before recognising me as one of the intruders, she halted and pointed a heavy pistol at my head. I blinked in surprise and quickly raised both of my guns and aimed them directly at her head and heart.

Neither one of us was willing to make the first shot, but rather let the threat hang in midair. Oh yeah, we were in a Mexican Standoff, an impasse, if you will.

"You _bosht'et_! Get away from that shuttle!" She demanded with an odd accent that I couldn't quite place...But that isn't the problem, the problem is that she belives she can order me around! The nerve!

"Quite frankly, my dear," I sneered at her. "I don't think you are in any position to order me around..." I made my very distinctive biotic feild radiate off my arms and torso in order to get my message across.

She took a step back after the fact that I was a biotic seemed to register. "I should kill you right now for the trouble you have caused!" She said, angrilly. God that accent is adorable even when she's angry. I smiled to myself then remembered my position and refocused on aiming my guns at her.

"I have a better and far less messy idea." I replied with a smirk. "Come with me."

She seemed to be both shocked and enraged at my offer. Probably because I am condemming the other few other engineers who have yet to arrive to die, but in all honesty I can't imagine why she would care about them in the face of this crisis at all...

Besides, I am MUCH better company then these...wretches.

"Why take me with you? You could have left before without me!" She demanded, her voice laced with suspicion.

I held my breath, she doesn't know about the security protocalls. Does that mean that she doesn't know the code to the release the shuttle's contols? No, I doubt Shepard would withhold that sort of information from a valued member of his crew. "Professional courtesy," I lied. "I would never dream of leaving a lady such as yourself to rot on this ship..."

"And yet you seem eager to leave everyone else behind?"

"It's quite simple, my dear, you can either accept my gracious offer and survive, or you can be content in knowing that these were the last friendly words you ever hear..."

I let the threat hang in the air for a moment. Watching her silvery eyes bulge in fear and in anger from behind her mask. Out of nowhere, she began to fire out insults so rapidly and so exotic, my translator failed to translate them to English and left them in mostly unaltered Khellish. I can only assume that she is saying quite the number of curses from the venom in her voice.

Finally, after getting all the cursing my name out of her system, she lowered her weapon and let out a reluctant sigh. "Fine,I accept your offer..."

I smiled at her then holstered my weapons and allowed my biotic "aura" to dissapate. I highly doubted she would try to kill me after we escape, but I'll keep my eye on her just to be sure. I haven't got any armour, so if she managed to get in a lucky shot, It'll all be over for me.

I lean out of the shuttle and offered her a hand up, which she deliberately refused. Making a point to simply walk past me, ignoring my gesture.

How rude!

I shrugged, ah well. As long as I can get away from the Normandy before the Collecters destroy it, I won't have much to complain about. I can even put up with her icy glares until we reach civilization.

And besides, I would much perfer her company to the other guy. At least she seems like the 'sit in a corner and glare' type.

I walked over to the cockpit where she dialed in the release code and entered the co-ordinates for th auto-pilot without a second thought that it might be the sole reason for why I saved her... So she could save me.

I sat in one of the seats and propped my feet up on a second as she moved away from the cockpit and sat in one of the chairs oppisite me, glaring daggers at me all the while.

This was going to be an interesting ride...

_Tali POV:_

The little _Bost'et!_

I knew that there were bad people in the universe, but I never thought I would meet someone so... So much worse than the things I have heard, such disreguard for the lives of others, he's worse than a vorcha or even a krogan.

I can tell by the way he walks and talks that he is a murderer, he is most likely the one responcible for killing the officers and engineers on the way over here. He's also a biotic, so he may also have been the one who killed Anders and Jethro in the Drive Core.

The poor men, they looked like they were torn completely in half...

I compose myself, making sure not to let my body language indicate weakness. He obviously has no qualms about killing people, I'd rather not find out if he needs to have a reason to kill, he seems as bloodthirsty as a krogan. If not more so...

I look him over, he is not bad looking for a human. But by the way he holds himself and how well groomed he is, he obviously puts far too much faith in his appearance. But there is something...off about this one. He is clearly human, a biotic if the strange 'aura' from before was anything to go by, but there is something definitely wrong with him. I can't quite put my finger on it.

It might have just been the light, but I could have sworn that the biotic energy he used was red...

I make note of the weapons he carried. They are old, human made and appear to be of an obselete design. Would probably be worth a small fortune to a private collector somewhere, but I can't imagine why he would use them instead of much more efficient modern guns. Except for ceremonial purposes, such a weapon would not compare with any of the weapons we have today.

So, he carries outdated weaponry and wears unusual clothing in place of combat gear. He is without a doubt one of the intruders that were reported, but he isn't even weaing armour! No one would be mad enough to run into battle armed with only a pair of old pistols and no protective armour, Biotic or not.

He notices me staring at him and grins mischieviously, not like a murderer, it was like a child's smile, "See something you like?" He purred. I turned my head away from him and crossed my arms over my chest, making a point not to answer him.

He shrugged and went back to admiring his reflection in the polished metal of the ceiling.

Can he really be that confident about his biotic powers? Or is he simply arrogent enough to think himself so skilled that he would risk fatal injury simply so he can wear a fancy suit? Is it both?

Either way, I hold no illusions about my so-called savior. I can tell that beneath all the smiles and laughter what he intends, he has a plan forming in his mind...

The man who saved my life is plotting to kill me...

**Author's Note: I really liked Tali in the game, she really grew on me throughout Mass Effect 1 and 2. She had such an interesting backround and was by far one of my favourite characters (along with Wrex, Garrus and Joker)  
>Since we will begin our adventure by splitting up, I decided it would be fun to let Tali tag along with me for a little bit, but she is not too happy about that. Why Tali? Do you have some sort of innate disgust towards charming scoundrels such as myself who kill people for entertainment and a form of stress relief? Oh god, your not a space racist are you! For shame, Tali, for shame. :'(<strong>

**R&R, please. It makes me happy :D**


End file.
